I did not know that! A tale about toilet paper

I HATE commercials.  Absolutely despise them.  It's hard to believe that some of their factual statements need repeating.  Case in point, I recently saw a commercial for a leading-brand toilet paper. 

I'll speak plainly below, so if you're easily grossed out stop reading.

They stated something that I never knew!  Toilet paper, while mainly used to clean you, should also keep you clean!  They hint here that your HANDS should also be clean when you're done.  You know, after all these years it's nice to finally have someone tell me that.  Until now, I was clueless.  Maybe that's why no one wants to stand near me.

This commercial is wrong on so many levels.  There must be an element in our society who don't expect to have clean hands when they're done? They must have done some opinion testing that included a question that went something like "would you buy toilet paper that works?"  Are people now so dumb that they look at thin toilet paper and think "gee, I could use more to make sure my hands stay clean but I think I'll use one square." 

I usually blame the advertising group that pitched the commercial to the company executives.  In this case though, I have to blame our stupid society.  Advertisers carefully research their messages.  They must have researched this and found that our modern-day morons don't know how to keep themselves clean.  Frankly, the commercial scares the crap out of me (pardon the pun). 

I'm never going out in public or shaking another hand again.