WTF People?

The Great Pyramids of Giza.  The Roman Empire.  Rome.  Athens.  The British Empire.  The Great Wall of China.   CVS.
Which one doesn’t fit?  Where did the people whose genetics built the impressive cities, empires and monuments go?  I doubt they were the ones that decided to add shopping carts to convenience stores.

Every time I go into a convenience store, I have to get in line behind 3 people with shopping carts packed full of groceries.  Maybe I’m wrong, but I thought that CVS and Walgreens were for CONVENIENCE.  Places where I could buy a few provisions and do so in an expeditious manner.  I’m on my way home from work…crap, I forgot to get more shampoo.  I know, I’ll go to CVS.  That’ll be faster than going to the grocery store.  Not anymore.  Now CVS and Walgreens is filled with the same people you see in line at the DMV.  I call these people woodwork people.  They’re the ones that come out of the woodwork when you least expect them.  They are the coupon clippers.  They have an average of 5.3 children (2 times the normal amount) and usually live on the outskirts of society (see “Walmart”).  They always have to bring their obnoxious, screaming 5.3 children who can ALWAYS be found in the candy area right in front of the freaking check out.  They’re usually not chained up or on a leash.  These DMV people allow their brood to wander around and cause general chaos.  The kind of chaos that raises your blood pressure and kicks in the innate survival instinct.  The screaming (usually in a foreign language) and activity harkens back to caveman days.  I keep thinking that there’s a saber tooth tiger is entering my warm cave when these heathens get loose.  Of course, the sperm and egg donor parent(s) pay no attention.  They’re too busy trying to find that 5 cent coupon for their weekly toilet paper gross (surprised they even use it…the paper, that is).

These woodwork people are never in touch with modern society and technology.  Just when you think their transaction is complete and they’re about to leave your personal space, out comes the damn checkbook.  Checks?  They should be used as a down payment for a house or car…not for a trip to CVS.  Have they prepared ahead of time, knowing that their next check would be made out to CVS?  Of course not.  They want to impress everyone that they know how to write.  Finally, the check is torn off and my inner soul is about to be calmed.  Nope.  Next, they have to check the receipt.  Again, another way of impressing the rest of us normal people in line by proving they can read and do simple math.  God forbid the poor high school student behind the counter missed a 7 cent coupon.  These people will sniff that 7 cents out like a hound finds truffles.  At this point I really just want to down the bottle of shampoo, hope that it was made in China with caustic materials, and pray for a quick death.  I consider pouring the liquid in my eyes but that would only enhance my sense of hearing.  My mind then travels to no-man’s land and I want to give this moron a dollar just to avoid the taste of the shampoo.  I live in 2011, so I only carry my debit card.  Shit.  I finally get to the counter and spent a total of 10 seconds on my transaction.  What I’m left with is a scar that affects all of my senses.  I have a headache struggling to figure out what the hell just happened.

I blame CVS.  Stop with the carts and stop with the coupons that apply only when you purchase a gross.  If you want to be a discount shop, add more space and stop looking so time-friendly.  If you don’t draw the woodwork people’s attention, they’ll stop bothering the rest of us.  There should also be a “no kids allowed” sign.  Remove the candy from in front of your registers as well.  Whose dumb idea was that?  I’d like to pay that individual a visit.