Dear supermarket, 15-or-less aisle, check-writing lady,
the year is 2009. I know that may be a shock to you. In this great modern-age world we have something called debit cards. These are flimsy, plastic cards with a magnetic tape strip on them. Surprisingly, this little strip contains information linked to your bank account. I know, it's crazy. When you slide this plastic object through a device that can read the strip it transmits information from your bank account to the supermarket and vice-versa. This little piece of plastic allows you to purchase goods and services without writing a check. What a surprise!
Now let me explain what the 15 or less aisle at a supermarket is for. It's for people like me who have only a couple things to buy and would like to move through the lanes a bit faster. The supermarkets realized that having a dedicated aisle or aisles for people like me would make their trip to the supermarket a bit more enjoyable and time-effective. That was very nice of them!
Here comes you to throw a monkey wrench in the whole system. You decide to buy $8.36 worth of groceries and whip out your checkbook. It's held in a holster-like pouch in your purse just like a handgun. The only problem is that you can draw fast but pulling the trigger takes a little bit of time. Let's be honest, it's the pulling of the trigger that saves you time and not necessarily how fast you can draw. Were you writing the details such as payee, date, and signature before they read you your total? Of course not. Why would you be prepared? After all, you're the only human being on this earth other than the checkout person right? No one else is in a hurry.
So, you pull out your checkbook which contains very artistic checks. I recall they had some kind of nature scene or something. I know you enjoy staring at the pretty picture in a whimsical way for long periods of time admiring the artists rendition of a home on the prairie. Since it's only you and the casheir you want to make sure that the cashier also has a good look because only then will their lives be fulfilled and they'll find a sense of purpose to their normally meaningless life.
After the life-changing $8.36 total comes up on that magical device that shows what you bought, you start writing. Ever so slowly...you don't want to have to void a check if you mess up. That would be disastrous. Finally you hand over this magnificent artwork-esque check to the cashier and you're surprised that he doesn't immediately comment on how amazing the background scenery is and that out of all of the amazing backgrounds you could have chosen you chose this masterpiece. You obtain your receipt and take another 30 seconds to re-organize your purse...that quick draw did tumble a few things in there. You have to make sure you're all in order so you can hold up the next line you come upon.
Moral of the story:
If I had my gun I would've shot myself. Why not shoot her you ask? If I shoot her I'm just a nut on the news. If I shoot myself maybe there'll be an inquiry as to how a normally sane person is driven to suicide by moron check-writing people. Maybe then questions will be asked and we can round these people up. There are more out there.
The bigger moral is that it is 2009. Checks should be used, in my humble opinion, for large purchases. A down payment on a car, a down payment on a house, a TV with a custom surround sound system, bills. Even then, there's no real reason for checks anymore. You can't float them, as the transaction is now instant. If you have a bank account, and it's not called the "bank of the deserted plains where we don't issue debit cards", then they issue you a debit card. Use it, or face people like me who could snap.
the year is 2009. I know that may be a shock to you. In this great modern-age world we have something called debit cards. These are flimsy, plastic cards with a magnetic tape strip on them. Surprisingly, this little strip contains information linked to your bank account. I know, it's crazy. When you slide this plastic object through a device that can read the strip it transmits information from your bank account to the supermarket and vice-versa. This little piece of plastic allows you to purchase goods and services without writing a check. What a surprise!
Now let me explain what the 15 or less aisle at a supermarket is for. It's for people like me who have only a couple things to buy and would like to move through the lanes a bit faster. The supermarkets realized that having a dedicated aisle or aisles for people like me would make their trip to the supermarket a bit more enjoyable and time-effective. That was very nice of them!
Here comes you to throw a monkey wrench in the whole system. You decide to buy $8.36 worth of groceries and whip out your checkbook. It's held in a holster-like pouch in your purse just like a handgun. The only problem is that you can draw fast but pulling the trigger takes a little bit of time. Let's be honest, it's the pulling of the trigger that saves you time and not necessarily how fast you can draw. Were you writing the details such as payee, date, and signature before they read you your total? Of course not. Why would you be prepared? After all, you're the only human being on this earth other than the checkout person right? No one else is in a hurry.
So, you pull out your checkbook which contains very artistic checks. I recall they had some kind of nature scene or something. I know you enjoy staring at the pretty picture in a whimsical way for long periods of time admiring the artists rendition of a home on the prairie. Since it's only you and the casheir you want to make sure that the cashier also has a good look because only then will their lives be fulfilled and they'll find a sense of purpose to their normally meaningless life.
After the life-changing $8.36 total comes up on that magical device that shows what you bought, you start writing. Ever so slowly...you don't want to have to void a check if you mess up. That would be disastrous. Finally you hand over this magnificent artwork-esque check to the cashier and you're surprised that he doesn't immediately comment on how amazing the background scenery is and that out of all of the amazing backgrounds you could have chosen you chose this masterpiece. You obtain your receipt and take another 30 seconds to re-organize your purse...that quick draw did tumble a few things in there. You have to make sure you're all in order so you can hold up the next line you come upon.
Moral of the story:
If I had my gun I would've shot myself. Why not shoot her you ask? If I shoot her I'm just a nut on the news. If I shoot myself maybe there'll be an inquiry as to how a normally sane person is driven to suicide by moron check-writing people. Maybe then questions will be asked and we can round these people up. There are more out there.
The bigger moral is that it is 2009. Checks should be used, in my humble opinion, for large purchases. A down payment on a car, a down payment on a house, a TV with a custom surround sound system, bills. Even then, there's no real reason for checks anymore. You can't float them, as the transaction is now instant. If you have a bank account, and it's not called the "bank of the deserted plains where we don't issue debit cards", then they issue you a debit card. Use it, or face people like me who could snap.
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